Summer finally arrived on Monday, August 23, 2010, and it arrived with a vengeance. It must have been in the high 80's/low 90s that day.
Sunday afternoon I had joined my "mommy movie group" to see "Eat, Pray, Love". It must be early menopause, but everything about middle-age makes me cry now. This movie in particular, by the way, much better than the book, really struck a nerve. I was sniffling throughout the film. Everything about her life was resonating with me- she abandoned her marriage; she went out on her own; she sought out new adventures. Me - I love my husband and don't want to end my marriage, but I am not really trying new adventures (well, I'm doing a little different as best I can), and I'm not striking out on my own - but the romance of it was so enticing. So I shuffled home and then took myself on a bike ride to clear my head (throbbing from the sniffling).
By Monday, I was deeply saddened. That night John and I rode our bikes down to Jack London. Beer Revolution was closed so we headed over to a funky little (and I mean square footage little) bar. I stood behind a Hell's Angel and his girlfriend and ordered a couple of beers. We sat outside and I bared my soul to John, telling him how unhappy I've been lately.
In an unlikely and uncommon male response, John simply asked me questions, "do you need to have an affair?" (me: "no"); "do you want to leave?" (me: "no"); and then he told me about when he was going through a rough patch (during Lion King) and how he was questioning our relationship. It stung a little just hearing it, but was helpful to know that these things happen and I wasn't alone. The more we talked the closer I felt to him. What I realized while sitting outside at this funkly little bar, was how little time we have spent together over the last 21 months. It's no wonder that during these long runs how we feel a distance from each other and how our relationship suffers.
The outcome of this was that through a real and meaningful communication we were able to talk - just talk. Thankfully John didn't go into a typical male-fix-it mode and he just asked questions and listened. I chalk this up to his having been raised by the pack of wild lesbians. He really understands how to relate to women. And truly, just talking, really, truly talking - re-establishing intamacy through communication, vastly improved my spirit and my love for John.
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