Living Color

John had to work Sunday. It was a disappointment. I think that the last 21 months took more of a toll than I thought. Even a little disappointment feels like a betrayal and a reminder of what was difficult while John was doing the show. It's as if the wound, just starting to heal, breaks open and my defenses go up. I am supportive - John is self employed, therefore there are sacrifices we make as a family, yet there are times I just want to have a "normal" relationship. It feels like John had an affair with his work and every time something happens that feels like we're falling back into a pattern, "She" hurts me again.

I mean, it wasn't a big deal - it was a Sunday and I knew he'd be done at a reasonable time. Besides my friend was coming up from LA with his new girlfriend. My friend, call him "Mike", as in "Mike 'the Situation'", always has something going on. And this something was a new girlfriend. New girlfriends aren't really a big deal in and of themselves, except this girlfriend was half Mike's age.

Mike had fallen in love with a very young (yes, she's of legal age) woman.

To be fair, she was / is lovely. She's sweet, smart, not at all "young" in demeanor, though she looks barely 18. There is nothing wrong with her. I really liked her when I met her. What I didn't like - it's not what you think - it wasn't that he's twice her age, really more than twice her age, but rather that she was throwing away some of the best years of her life being with a guy who is likely the same age as her dad. I remember when Mike and I worked together, we were both in our early 20s and we were having a blast. We were hanging out with people from all over the world, making friends, living, and developing as young adults. We were dealing with all the things you deal with when you're young - like thinking that you know EVERYTHING, but making mistakes because you don't. All of that helped form both of us into who we are today. And when Mike was saying, "I want to show her Europe" I thought - she needs to be off doing that with her friends (like I did), and having those memories to cherish. I also kept thinking to myself, as a young person, even a few years makes a huge difference. When I was 12, I had a HUGE crush on a boy named Steve who was four years older than I was. Only four years! But I was 12. And then I think about when a 21 year old dates a 16 year old and how creepy that sounds and yet they are only five years apart. And when a 35 year old dates a 42 year old, those seven years are meaningless. As a young adult, even the smallest variance is exponential. So I was troubled. But then I realized, they are in love and it's not my life and if they are good to each other and make each other happy even for a few years, well... that's what counts. One day, whether now or in 20 years, age will most certainly be a factor.

So Mike, his girlfriend and I headed into the city and wandered around. We stumbled into Swill, a cool, hipster bar up from the theater district where the girlfriend was carded (we weren't), and then we grabbed a bite at E&O. John and I parted ways (they headed home like an old married couple) and John and I headed over to the Independent to hear Living Color. Living Colour is an American rock band from New York - what made them so unique when they formed in the mid 80's was that they were an all black rock band. It was amazing to hear them play in a small venue (earplugs were in). Even more germane, was the age of the crowd. It was in fact a house of aging rockers. The band hit their stride in the mid-80, meaning that if you were old enough to really get this band then, you were somewhere in your early 40s to mid/late 50's. Yep, the gray hairs were rockin' the house. So while Mike and his 23 year old were rockin' our murphy bed at 10 p.m., we were rockin' at the Independent - just like we were 23 again.