Neighborhood Beautification Committee

My friend Robyn came over this evening for a walk around the neighborhood with her dog Bosco. This is a lovely walk which takes us up the hill through Piedmont, around the neighborhood, through the town, past the mansions, the high school and then down the hill back to my house.

As we wander through the neighborhood I simply can't help but comment, "metal window frames - what a fright!" or How could anyone paint a house that color?" Of course there are compliments bandied about, "How cute!" or "Lovely garden." or "I love what they did with that entrance."

I've often thought about creating a form which could be left on the front porch. It would look something like this:

Lakeshore Terrace / Piedmont Pines Neighborhood Beautification Committee

Date: / Time:
Your Recommended House Color: (note color here) Please paint over that hideous hospital green. Your next door neighbor's house is painted pale blue with white trim, your house would be darling in a pale yellow.
Your Recommended House Trim Color: (note color here)
Improve Facade by: (insert recommendation here) Please remove that hideous marble exterior stair case. Marble is inappropriate for the outside (did you ever think how slipery it will be in the rain. Plus your house is a Craftsman. The entrance should be wood or cement. Also, get rid of those 50's metal window frames. You've brought down the value of your own house, and the neighborhood's.
Improve Garden by: (insert recommendation here) Please weed your yard. You live on a hill, why in the world did you put a lawn on a 45 degree slope? How are you going to mow it? I strongly suggest terracing so you can grow drought tolerant plants (rosemary and lavender do well here).

Okay, so by now you've decided that I should be living in Agrestic and insist on CC&Rs for the neighborhood. It's not that bad, it's just that I believe that some people just don't realize the offensiveness of a house painted red or hospital green, and they simply need some style guidance, and I'm here to oblige.